Desktop Meditations

These are things that have come to me over the years, usually when semi-conscious, while sitting at various desks in various offices.

Arabs

If you go forth and live among the Arabs, and study their customs, and learn their languages, and affect their ways, and do everything they do, and aspire to become an Arab yourself, regardless of how hard you try, you will never be anything but an imitation Arab.

A Gasoline Pump Revelation

We are probably the last generation that will remember when GALLONS moved faster than THIS SALE.

Working Blues I

We gather here each morning like automatons, to drudge away our precious lives doing tiny pieces of bigger pieces, none of which make any difference for anyone except the fat few who sit shakily atop the living pyramids we form with our expendable bodies--bodies that they discard like used rubbers when they are through with us.

A gold watch and, "We'll never forget you," are supposed to compensate for surviving thirty years of economic slavery, living hunkered down like a rabbit, watching for the telltale shadow, fearing that the eagles will discover your secret, and swoop. Two months after you're gone, they meet in the hall and say, "Remember that guy who used to work over in the corner? You know, old What's His Name?" But to complain is bad form. Good employees don't complain. They stay head down and butt up for the good of the company.

So, to pay the rent, we all sit all day, insides awash with Diet Coke and coffee, doing nothing, feet cold, back bent, caffeine drenched, watched--its not much of a life.

The company be praised.

Wall Staring

I have the most stared-at wall on the planet. This wall is covered with stares, old and new. Stares that are months old, faint but still recognizable, droop and begin to fade and run down the wall beneath the fresh coat of stares that gets applied each day.

On Loyalty

Every Friday, when they deliver my check, the company and I break even. Neither of us owes the other a thing at that time.

On Poetry

A poem is a piece of soul that the poet breaks off to share with others. Everybody should write a poem from time to time. It's such a satisfying accomplishment, even when the poem is bad.

The Guppie's Rules for Corporate Combat

Avoid combat if at all possible. Corporate things are seldom worth distressing yourself over. Keep in mind that in fifty years, none of what you do now will matter.
Never argue with anybody who has less to lose than you do. Even if you win, you run the risk of appearing petty.
Never argue with anybody who cares less than you do. People who don't give a damn are the most dangerous opponents there are. They don't care whether they win or lose, and they would just as soon take you down with them.

Good Employees

The saddest thing I ever heard said about anybody was, "He's a good employee."

Gossip

Spreading rumors can become a pleasurable, addictive, activity. A feeling of importance comes over you when you know something that others want to hear. But there is an empty feeling once you have told it; once you have given away the secret, it is dead, and you feel as if you have betrayed it.
Show me a man who gossips and I'll show you a bored man.
The workplace as an excellent arena to exchange and debate ideas. Bullshit is the most important thing the Guppie does in a normal day. It is how he keeps his mind alive and sharp, and combats the crushing boredom that infests most corporate settings.

Hard Work

Hard work, in and of itself, is no virtue. If it were, migrant workers and small farmers would be virtuous. They are however, no more virtuous than the rest of us. More often, hard work merely leads to smugness and intolerance of those whom the worker perceives as not being willing to labor at the same level of intensity as themselves.

Wild Geese

Twice during the night I heard geese overhead in the darkness making their way south and keeping each other company in subdued voices. A goose is such a comically stupid bird in the daylight on the ground, but in the air, flying night formations, there is something regal about them that sparks a strange response in man. Men will stop in the midst of the most important conversations and activities when that lonely gabbling sound wafts down through the darkness; they will stare up with wistful smiles, and think that, but for all the worldly duties they are oppressed with, they too would be up there seeking a wild unknown fate--living free.

Lenders

I met him for lunch, and he brought a book and an album that he insisted I borrow. I had once expressed an interest in the individual who wrote the book and made the album. I couldn't very well refuse, and I do hate to be maneuvered into that position by people who are chronic lenders. There is no way short of rudeness that you can decline their offer to loan you something. It is a way for them to get you in their debt. Now I shall have to meet him for lunch again next week just so I can return the borrowed items.

Potpourri

He is a master of the pregnant pause.
You have to force your mind to stay real small to do this stuff.
Sitting here being overwhelmed by the universal possibilities.
Dyin' with the what-ifs.
"O.K., lets break up this business session and get down to bullshit."
"The meek are demanding their inheritance."
"I mean, how long can you stare at page 14 before somebody notices?"
The bleakness of the organized mind
Good advice: Stay out of institutions.
When you immerse yourself in trivia, mediocrity seems exceptional.
Job title: Work Station Administrator--maximum title, minimum wage
They're buying my life at the rate of thirty dollars per hour.
Feed the ravenous terminal.
After his long, boring presentation to the meeting, he was greeted with snores of approval.
"He's a big mickey-muck."
"Redundancy is employed at all equipment levels as is graceful degradation on specific critical functions."
--From a tech manual.