Abiding Mysteries

There is a perverseness loose in the universe that defies reason. Certain things and events are beyond human understanding; they will not yield to rational, scientific analysis no matter how you approach them; they just are, and that's all you can say about them. As proof, I offer three examples from my own experience (I'm sure there are more--perhaps you can add to the list?) and I challenge anyone to present plausible explanations for them.

Chaotic Disturbances

I am methodical in my morning routine. Over the years I have developed a set pattern that almost never varies, and part of that pattern is the distribution of things that I carry in my trouser pockets. Each item has its proper place, and normally I pick them up and distribute them correctly and unconsciously.

Some mornings however, something goes awry and the system breaks down; a malicious spirit, the opponent of neatness and order, enters the routine and short circuits the normal patterns. Later I discover that the pen knife that should be in my left front pocket with the change, is mysteriously in my right front pocket where my keys should be. Instead of keys, I find the handkerchief that belongs in my right rear pocket. My wallet, normally carried in my left rear pocket, usually turns up someplace exotic like a shirt pocket. On mornings when habits break down, I have learned that it is best to be on guard for the rest of the day, for it, too, is usually unpredictable.

I don't have any idea what brings on these attacks that scramble carefully established habits. I suspect some turbulence, a vortex perhaps, roils the cosmic wind and knocks all order off kilter for a brief time, but who knows?

Shoes on the Road

I personally have never lost a shoe along a street, road, or highway. Furthermore, I don't know anyone who will admit to ever having lost a shoe along a street, road, or highway. But the next time you drive to work, or to the mall, or to visit Aunt Molly, notice how many shoes you see lying on or beside the road. Where do they come from? What are people doing when they lose them? Why don't we see more people with one bare foot getting out of cars. Do some people dispose of old shoes by throwing them from car windows? Is Imelda Marcos involved somehow? Is there some symbolism involved? Is it a code? Or, in some mysterious way, do old shoes migrate to highways when they are ready to die, like elephants going to their graveyard? Go figure.

Navel Lint

My third mystery, perhaps the most baffling of all, concerns...well...navel lint. Why does lint collect in navels? Most people never think about it. They go through life blithely digging lint accumulations (more or less often, depending upon their fastidiousness) from their belly buttons without ever stopping to wonder where it comes from or why it collects there--unless, of course, they have an "outsie," in which case, I assume, they don't have the problem. But that brings up an intriguing question: Where does the lint go on people with outsies?

Consider the mystery of it: One could reasonably expect lint to be produced equally in all areas of the undergarment worn next to the upper body; one could further assume that the lint thus produced would, in the course of the day, in response to well established principles of physics, filter downward toward the waistline. If this assumption is true, then one should expect to find the lint evenly distributed about the waistline at the end of the day when the garment is removed. But do we ever find this? Of course not. We find instead that all the lint, or at least all of it that can be located, has migrated (under the influence of who-knows-what mysterious force) to the front of the torso and has embedded itself securely in the deepest recesses of the navel.

I can offer no explanation for these phenomena; I cannot even put forth a theory. Perhaps some other investigator more talented than myself can discover the secret behind these curious occurrences, but I doubt it. Some things, tiny glitches in the grand cosmic flow, are beyond comprehending.